Sunday, May 3, 2009

Be Still...

So it's been FOREVER since I've blogged. I got busy, discovered facebook (a blessing and an evil all at the same time)and managed to book just about every waking hour with some important event, meeting, appointment, or activity. Who has time to sit down and relax, much less spend ten minutes putting organized thoughts onto a blog? This has been my mindset for months. Lately, the busyness has literaly overwhelmed me. My brain is scattered. My once organized and detailed calendar keeping has gone to the dogs and I am lucky if I remember what month it is,let alone any important details. I have become so busy that although I am doing a lot of things, I am not doing any of them well. I'm not doing the best I can in work, as a volunteer, as a mom, or as a wife. I know it is time to catch my breath, it's time to be still...but how????

How does one "be still"??? How does someone who has made so many commmitments and taken on so much responsibility find time to relax and enjoy down time? I used to think I just have to be patient. I just have to wait out the responsibilities I have at this moment and be concious not to take on anything else...eventually my commitments would run out and I can finally breathe. But here's the kicker, the commitments never cease. I have been much better about not taking on additional activities. I have actually said "I'm sorry, but NO, I can't do that" several times. Yet I am still swamped. I am still overwhelmed. I am still far too busy. My half painted walls are still incomplete, my house is in a perpetual state of chaos and clutter, my floors are unmopped for the third straight week, my three seperate calendars are growing unmanagable, my eyes are tired and heavy and my heart is loosing it's passion to do anything. Maybe it's just spring fever. Maybe, like kids all over America, I'm passing mile 22 in the marathon and am starting to think "why in the world did I start this race to begin with?" (not that I have any experience with marathon racing- nor will I ever have any experience with it- just assuming the last few miles before the finish line would be extaordinarily challenging physically and mentally). Maybe there will be time to be still this summer. That's what I'm telling myself at least. It's the only sanity I have left.