Maybe we're getting somewhere!

Anxiety is something I've lived with all my life. I remember having my first anxiety attack when I was six years old. I remember the situation, I remember how it felt, and I remember feeling so out of control over something that shouldn't have been a big deal to a first grader, but never-the-less it's something I've battled ever since.
Most people know my son has inherited the anxiety gene from me. I don't know how much he understands his worry and obsessiveness, but I know there have been plenty of times where he has felt out of control. But unlike me, he is very verbal in the midst of his anxiety. I have always tried to hide it. I can be a drama queen when I want, and I can slam doors and rant and rave about how unfair things are or how upset or hurt I feel when I am so inspired, but anytime I feel anxious or have insanely ridiculous thoughts race through my head, I try to bury them as far down in my belly as I possibly can. I like to appear to be in control at all times and cool as a cucumber. I didn't get the nickname "the rock" for nothing! I am difficult to rattle, I'm hard to shock. I solve problems in a very diplomatic fashion. I keep my cool. Or so I seem. My son, on the other hand, does not keep his cool. He looses it. He will have monumental freak outs when the anxiety is too much. He has been known, in the past, to walk in circles, pulling his hair, tears flowing and fear in his eyes because he doesn't know what to do with the emotion he is feeling. This is the typically well mannered boy, who wouldn't hesitate for a second to jump out of a dentist chair and run down the hall screaming because the anxiety of being at the dentist or dr.'s office is too much for him to handle. This is the child who literally rocked back and forth and could not get past a ride in a dirty taxi cab through a NYC borough where people had, GASP, spray painted all over buildings. As a mom, it is so terrifying and heartbreaking to watch. And as a mom with anxiety issues, I have lost so much sleep over it. My son is so black and white, so right or wrong. And he can verbally debate a subject until you are worn into the ground. He worries about starving children, he worries about the homeless, he worries about the polar bears in the Arctic, he worries about the economy, he worries about who he'd vote for if he were eighteen (no joke). But this is nothing new. He's always worried about things, it's part of his makeup. It's the way God made him. So I have been working hard for some time to give him the tools to deal with his anxiety in a healthy manner. I refuse to even think about medication and I refuse to let him go through life without feeling like he has the tools to battle this frustrating "condition". I don't want him to be thirty four and still not know how the heck to handle his anxiety. I know I can't guarantee this, but I can sure as heck do my best to help him feel like he can handle life. So we have gone through all sorts of stuff. Everything from breathing techniques to talking the worry of the moment out and deciding if it's something we have a solution for at this moment, from giving him opportunities to talk out his worries freely and calmly, when he isn't in a freak out mode, to learning different ways to stop his brain from going a million miles a minute when the lights go out at bedtime. At first it didn't seem like it was working. When something triggered a freak out moment, he had them full on. And you couldn't calm him down. But lately I've noticed a change. I almost hate to think it. What if I jinx it. But lately he seems to take things in stride a bit more. He still gets upset in different situations, but it doesn't get to the freak out point as often. And he seems to be better at verbalizing it, then moving on. This morning for example. He's home sick. In the past, he would have had a meltdown about missing school: he will have work to make-up, his friends won't know where he is, his teacher will worry, what if he misses an important announcement, what if they have a quiz, what if something really exciting happens. This would have gone on and on all day. Every hour his mind would pace back and forth coming up with new reasons to tense up over missing school. But this morning he hasn't done that so much. He wasn't happy when I announced he still has a fever and couldn't go to school. He did say he hopes there isn't a ton of makeup work to do and did make sure I emailed his teacher and his best friend's mom to let them know he was ok. But that's about it. He really hasn't said anything else about it, other than a brief "I really don't like missing school" about two hours into his sick day. Maybe we're getting somewhere! Maybe he is growing up a little and can rationalize better in his ripe age of nine. Maybe he is learning to stop and breathe when things start boiling inside of him. Maybe his experiences have taught him that the world still turns, every single day, even amidst homelessness, dirty taxi cabs, and sick days. Maybe all the praying I've done for this boy is paying off! Maybe it's a little of everything. I know it will be something we battle forever with him, just as it is with me. But it's nice to see a little more control with the situation. It's nice to have some positive experiences with difficult moments. It's nice to think maybe he won't be on Xanex by the time he is twelve. :-) Whatever it is, it feels pretty darn good.

Just how wide is that "fine line"????

I'm just curious because I know I am walking it. I am so very close to overextending myself and I'm sitting back waiting for something to blow up or drive me to the brink of insanity (a place most would say I already live very near-- haha!). I am the type that likes to be busy and have my hand in a lot of different things. I always have. Just ask my mom. But when does it become too much? I really enjoy everything I do. But I sometimes wonder if I take on too much and if I try to fill my days with "stuff" just so I don't have to think about other things. Anyone who knows me knows the demons I battle with anxiety. Filling my days helps keep those demons at bay. But is it healthy? A very good and honest friend(which is what makes her such a good friend- among many other reasons!)posed the question "can anyone who does so much do it all well?" That really made me think. I'm wondering if it's time to re-evalute. I'm wondering if I can handle my load and do a good job with each commitment. I'm wondering if I need to scale back. I'm wondering if I could handle more. I'm wondering what happens when you test that fine line.

Day 8 & 9...wedding fun and home sweet home

Day 8 was a nice, relaxing day. Tropical Storm Hanna attempted to rain on our parade, but really she only sprinkled. After a big breakfast, we met up with friends at the local bowling alley and the kids had a blast bowling a couple games. Mom and Dad walked around a local outlet center, and then we all went back to the hotel for a little rest and relaxation before the big evening. The wedding was awesome. The ceremony was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous and glowing, the groom was handsome and so very happy. It was a perfect.

We all had a great time with family and friends and danced the night away. Literally! Abby is so part of my gene pool...you could not get her off the dance floor. :-)


Then our final day- driving straight from Williamsburg to home. Wow! It was about an 11 hour trip. But the kids, once again, were amazing. They slept, read, played games, finished their travel journals, and zoned out. We got home around dinner time and we were all in bed by 8:30 PM. It was nice to sleep in our own beds.


This morning we jumped right back into the swing of things- off to school, off to jury duty (poor Steve), off to doing laundry, and grocery shopping, and catchng up with PTA stuff.
We all agree that our trip, though packed full and tiring, was absolutely amazing. We saw so much, we learned so much, and we had a really good time doing it!!!

Day 6 & 7

We arrived in Williamsburg around lunch on Thursday and after checking in to our hotel, we headed to Jamestown. There we met up with friends and learned all sorts of cool things about the early settlement.

It is a pretty cool place with neat interactive opportunities to get a better sense of what life was like for the early settlers. We climbed aboard a replica of one of the boats that came to the new land and imagined being cramped with 53 other people,, plus crewmen, for four months at sea. YUCK! After a day at Jamestown, we headed back to Williamsburg and ate at a tavern in the heart of colonial Williamsburg. We ate well and enjoyed the atmosphere.


Friday morning we decided to be a little lazy and sleep in. We figured we could use the sleep. We had brunch with friends and then headed to Colonial Williamsburg to walk the area. We saw the old magazine, churches where Thomas Jefferson and George Washington worshipped, we shopped in some neat little stores, and learned about life in colonial times.
Then we decided to head back to the hotel and relax. We have part two of our vacation to attend to now....Bryan's wedding and all the festivities that go along with that (and rain...from what I hear it's going to be a WET weekend, thanks to Hanna. We Floridians just can't seem to get away from the storms!)

Day 5

We started our day with a tour of the capitol. If ever you go to DC, be sure to write your congressman (or woman) and let them know you're coming. We did this and got a personal tour from one of our congressman's staff assistants. She was so knowledgeable. She had amazing stories to share, and we saw really cool things. We got to go through the underground tunnels connecting the surrounding congress buildings to the actual capitol, we saw the old supreme court chambers, the pedestal that has held the coffins of everyone who has lied in state since Abe Lincoln, the kids got to stand at the very center of the capitol (hence, they stood at the center of power of the free world) and the highlight for mom and dad- we actually SAT in the house of representative chambers...the place you see on C-Span when Congress is in session and where the State of the Union takes place.
Talk about being in awe...it was so cool. Not sure the kids appreciated it as much as the adults, but I think it will definitely make for a cool memory. One day they'll get it. The tour was over two hours long and absolutely fantastic.


We ate lunch at the cafeteria in the House building and then headed over to the Library of Congress and Supreme Court. We saw Thomas Jefferson's books and walked through the Supreme Court, although we couldn't see the actual chambers b/c it is closed for renovations. After all that, we had a well deserved ice cream break and then headed to the International Spy Museum...well, it's gift shop at least. We decided to skip the tour. We took the metro back to our home base for the trip and relaxed..because tomorrow our adventures take us to Williamsburg/Jamestown!

Day 4

Day 4 and we're off! We started the day with a tour at the Bureau of Printing and Engraving. We got to see how money is made!
After that, we headed tot he Jefferson Memorial and the FDR Memorial. Then we took a taxi over the Potomac and spent some time at Arlington National Cemetary. We saw the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown and JFK's grave sight along with Robert E Lee's house (known as the Arlington House). After Arlington we headed back to DC and visited the National Zoo. My daughter loved seeing the giant pandas...ask her what the panda house volunteer pulled out of her bag! IT's a trip! After seeing all sorts of cool things at the zoo we head back to relax and order pizza, and get ready for day 5 of our fantastic adventures...

Day 3

Day three and we wake up in the heart of DC...well, not really the heart, but Dupont Circle, which is close enough to walk to the heart. We start the day by heading to the monuments. We saw the Washington Monument, Lincoln, WWII, and Vietnam. All very moving.
Then we headed to the Smithsonian museums. We learned saw a great dinosaur exhibit at the Museum of Natural History and rode in a fighter pilot simulator at the Air and Space Museum (um, yeah- my son needs to work on his pilot skills....). We then headed to the National Art Museum where we almost bought an original George Surat. Ask me later, I'm still trying to get over the whole episode.
After the museums we headed to the National Archives were we got to see the Declaration,, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. VERY cool stuff.